


Here to Stay

by KanarandTarkaleanTea



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M, Sentimental nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-24 00:32:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10730487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KanarandTarkaleanTea/pseuds/KanarandTarkaleanTea
Summary: This is a totally dopey sentimental piece that might be out of character, but I needed a feel-good story where there wasn’t anything earth shattering going on. I also have been struggling with writer's block, and I just needed to get something finished and off my plate — especially something a bit shorter that wouldn’t spiral into a novel!Set post-canon Cardassia. (And can I tell you how weird it is to refer to “Garak” as “Elim” throughout an entire story? WEIRD! (But if they’re living together, hopefully they’d finally be on a first name basis…))





	Here to Stay

**Author's Note:**

> One of the reasons that I’ve always felt that Julian Bashir and Elim Garak belonged together was that they were both fundamentally damaged characters with some pretty big insecurities and issues. Yet, under the right circumstances, they could bring out the best in each other.  
> Not beta'd, so apologies for mistakes. I hope grammar/spelling/weird syntax don't take too much away from the feeling of the piece.

Julian sat on the bed, trying to focus on calming his breathing. He hated feeling like this: angry, irrational, insecure. Part of him knew he should just swallow his pride and apologize, but an equal part felt he hadn’t done anything wrong. He knew that the whole situation had gotten blown out of proportion, but at the same time he just wasn’t ready to let it go.

Ultimately, the main issue was that both he and Elim were stubborn. They were equally strong willed, and, when he felt like being honest with himself, he knew that his ego could get every bit as inflated as he often felt his partner’s was.

The red light of the setting Cardassian sun was coming in through their bedroom window and his skin looked especially grimy in the fading light. He felt gritty, and he was pretty sure he stank, but he’d lost the ability to smell himself after about his second month living on the war-ravaged Cardassia Prime. Outside, he could hear the rhythmic strikes of Elim’s pickax against the rock that separated them from what they hoped would be uncontaminated water.

It was such a different existence than he ever could have anticipated. Ten years ago, had someone told his younger self that he’d have left Starfleet, shacked up with a male Cardassian ex-spy, and was now living in a garden shed without running water or even a basic level of sanitation, he’d have checked the person for head trauma. Now, the thought of being anywhere else, with anyone else, made him severely uncomfortable. This was his home now; perhaps more of a home than he’d ever had before. In spite of the hardships, the xenophobia, and every other goddammned issue that arose, he felt happier here, with Elim, than he’d ever been before.

Which made their arguments — the serious arguments that weren’t part of their banter or foreplay — all the more uncomfortable.

It didn’t help that Julian’s track record with long-term relationships didn’t leave him feeling sanguine. His affair with Palis had basically been built on the youthful exuberance of young love; passionate but ultimately short lived. With Leeta, they had both known that their time together was essentially just a fun tryst without any long-term staying power — after all, they hadn’t really had anything in common aside from mutual physical attraction. And the whole Ezri debacle hadn’t lasted more than a few months, both of them trying to make it work for the wrong reasons and ultimately imploding under un-met expectations.

He had pretty much resigned himself to a life of brief, superficial flings when Elim’s letter-memoir-novel had arrived. When he’d read it, it had taken every ounce of courage to even admit to himself what he deep-down always suspected he had felt for his friend, and then a serious suspension of disbelief to convince himself that the missive actually meant what he thought (and wanted) it to mean.

During his flight to Cardassia he had been wracked with anxiety that he’d made a huge miscalculation (somehow his genetically enhanced brain never seemed to be quite on-the-money when it came to the reactions of sentient beings), but when he had seen the expression on Elim’s face when he’d arrived, he knew that he’d judged correctly. He knew that this was the relationship he’d been looking for.

It had surprised him how easy it was to get used to living with Elim, but a lot of it, he knew, was that they had mostly been on their best behavior as they figured out how their lives could fit together. There had only been a few moments where he’d seriously wondered if he’d made the right decision or not, and for the most part, he could hardly believe it had gone so well.

But now… He knew, intellectually, that healthy relationships needed occasional conflict; that if a couple never had any arguments, it usually meant one party — or the other, or both — were so afraid that the relationship would collapse if they didn’t walk on egg shells, and he didn’t want that. But at the same time, he couldn’t be certain that a Cardassian would see things the same way. Their cultures and views were often so vastly different. Might Elim not view their argument as a sign that things weren’t going to work out?

While he didn’t seriously think Elim would ever just throw him out, Julian had enough doubt and inexperience with committed relationships to fear just that. And while he hoped he’d never say or do anything that might permanently damage their relationship, he knew that he could be difficult. A large part of him worried that his “over-bearing mien of superiority” (as Ezri had put it once), would sound the death knell on the happiness he’d finally found.

He got up and stood just to the right of the little window so that Elim wouldn’t be able to see him. The saurian ancestry of Cardassians could still be seen as his lover worked; the muscles shifting underneath skin and scale just different enough from human movements to be noticeable. It was amazing how changed Elim was from when they’d first met. His once jet-black hair was now streaked with white, but any indication of his true age such changes might have hinted at were now offset by the sinewy leanness of his frame and the continued rigor he displayed as he tirelessly worked to rebuild his homeworld.

Not to mention the stamina with which he regularly fucked Julian on the bed he had been sitting on not five minutes ago.

Julian could feel his cheeks flush as he thought about it, and he quickly ducked away from the window. (Watching Elim do physical work always tended to distract him with libidinous urges.)

He took a deep, cleansing breath and reassessed. It wasn’t worth it. Yes, maybe he still felt that Elim was being unreasonable. Yes, he could dig in his heels and insist upon his point. He could cite his genetic augmentation and the fact that he’d calculated the proper depth and angle to dig the well down to the micrometer, but did it really make that much of a difference? Whether they used a self-priming or a rotary pump wouldn’t matter if they didn’t get the hole dug. Or if the groundwater was contaminated. Or…

“Julian.”

Julian looked up, startled. He hadn’t noticed that the sound of the pickax had stopped. Elim stood in the doorway of their bedroom, not nervous — no, Elim never looked nervous, but… tentative? Julian straightened his spine. Now was the time to put his pride away. “Elim, I…”

His words were cut off. “I wish to apologize.” Elim’s crystal blue eyes darted up to Julian’s face. “You were trying to help and I wouldn’t listen.” One corner of his mouth darted up. “There is also the possibility that I overreacted — I was frustrated, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

All the anger that had filled Julian just a few minutes ago suddenly disappeared. With a lighter heart, Julian walked over and put his arms around Elim’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, too. I know how I can get, and I shouldn’t have been so, well, superior about the whole thing.”

Elim shrugged. “Well, by now I should be better prepared when I’m confronted with your numerous shortcomings, so really…”

Julian’s arms dropped. Of all the nerve! “Hey!”

“Just joking, my dear,” Elim said with a chuckle as he wrapped his arms around Julian’s waist and nuzzled into his jaw.

Julian harrumphed, but any pretense of indignation or offense was contradicted by the moan that broke through as Elim began to massage his behind and press kisses against his lips and neck.

“We’ll never get the well dug if you keep doing that,” he finally managed to say in spite of Elim’s amorous onslaught.

“The well can wait,” Elim said against his shoulder. “What’s far more important now is that I demonstrate how truly apologetic I am.”

* * * * *

The last rays of the sun had gone out as they caught their breath. Elim’s arm was around him, and even though he was hot and sweaty, Julian pressed himself close.

In spite of everything, he felt so incredibly grateful. Grateful that he’d finally found his place. Grateful that he’d had the courage to head to Cardassia. Grateful that he hadn’t done anything to screw it all up.

Looking back on their argument, the whole thing just felt so stupid. It was a wonder that Elim even put up with him.

“Sometimes I wonder how you manage to put up with me.”

Julian jerked, surprised to hear his own thoughts echoed in the darkness. “What?”

“I know that I am a difficult man,” Elim said, his voice quiet. “I keep expecting one day that you’ll get fed up with my nonsense and leave.” There was a pause, then: “And I dread that day.”

Julian bit his lip. To hear such similar sentiments to the ones he’d been thinking earlier coming from Elim made his heart swell. “You won’t be rid of me that easily, Elim Garak,” he said, pressing his lips to a neck ridge. “I’m afraid I’m here to stay.”


End file.
